It's Just A Dog

You can always get another one. You knew his life would be short. I can't believe how much time and money you wasted on that animal. You keep his ashes in your living room? Why is it taking you so long to get over this? It's just a dog!

I pity people who think or say those things, whether it's from malice, insensitivity, or ignorance. It means that they have never experienced the special kind of love that can only come from a pet. It is not the same as the love between humans. It is very different in many important ways.

A dog's ability to love is unconditional, which is why they make such great companions. Humans are selfish, fickle, and unreliable. A dog will never judge, hold a grudge, or have conditions for their love. Dogs love their owners unconditionally, no matter what. This type of love makes the connection between dogs and humans so special and unique.

Your dog will always be glad to see you. Can you say that about your spouse?

Dogs love their human in a way that is similar to the way that a small child loves a parent. The difference is that dogs never outgrow that. Dogs are like toddlers who never grow up. Tex is 90 pounds and still sits on my lap. He still looks up at me with those loving and trusting eyes. I think that is one of the reasons that 65 million American families include one or more dogs.

Canine cognition studies have shown that when you and your dog interact, a love hormone is released, causing you to feel happier and more bonded as best friends. This hormone is called oxytocin and is the same chemical given off when humans interact with their toddler. 

Almost 70% of U.S. households (90.5 million homes) own a pet. A recent survey shows that 91% of pet owners think of their companion animals as family. That means losing their pet is like losing a family member. Grief over a well loved pet is normal.

The five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. These are a part of the framework that helps in learning to live without the one we lost. They are tools to help us frame and identify what we may be feeling. But they are not stops on some linear timeline in grief. Not everyone goes through all of them or in a prescribed order. 

The sixth stage of grief is finding meaning. Meaning can come through finding a way to sustain your love for them after their death, even while you’re moving forward with your life. That doesn’t mean you’ll stop missing them.

Whenever it ends, young or in extreme old age, we rarely think that life is long enough. Therefore, we must try to value it every day and live it to the fullest. In that way, we do our best to honor those whose deaths we grieve. All we can do is to try and spend the time we have wisely.

Through my research, I discovered that what I am going through right now is called anticipatory grief. Feeling the grief of loss for someone who is still alive? It is completely rational to feel grief in anticipation of an event with a certainty of outcome. It's not like worrying about something that might or might not happen. Few things in life are more certain than death.

I wrote this post hoping that it would help me process my own grief in anticipation of losing my closest friend. I am 69 years old. I have lost pets before. But, this time is very, very different. Tex isn't a pet. He is the love of my life. He is the best thing that ever happened to me in my entire life, other than the birth of my daughter and my three beautiful granddaughters. I have never been as close to another human as I am with Tex, except maybe my mother.

Tex and I have been friends for 12 years. He was 8 weeks old when I got him. I thought I was rescuing him but it turned out that he rescued me. We spent a year and a half doing obedience and agility training together at a really good dog school. That was an exceptional bonding experience. Tex was a natural athlete and a pretty good tree climber.

Tex was diagnosed with diabetes a year ago. It is causing him to go blind. I give him insulin injections every twelve hours. He is so brave and stoic. He never complains or resists my attempts to give him his shot. He soldiers on. He still has some good days and some not so good days. But he is brave.

I got really sick in 2018 and was unable to work any longer. I was diagnosed with cancer. So, for the last 6 years, Tex and I have been together 24/7. He got me through 18 months of chemotherapy and so many other trials, tribulations, hardships, and calamities. He made my life worth living. I am so blessed to be his friend.

It is very difficult not to let my grief spoil our remaining time together. Sometimes I am ok and sometimes it washes over me like a tsunami of despair. Tex is very sensitive to my mood and emotions so I have to try to maintain.

I call him my nurse dog because he has nursed me through so many adversities. It saddens me that he won’t be here to nurse me through that last final castastrophe. Or maybe he will be here in spirit. I will always feel his presence.

He has brought more love and more joy into my life than anything else ever.

Tex isn't just a dog.

A dog is the only thing that will ever love you more than it loves itself.

I pray that this post will help anyone who has ever lost a beloved companion.