Tanning Your Taint?

Yes, apparently that is a thing. And it’s something for both the guys and gals to enjoy.

I was having a bad day today. It is 70 degrees and blue sky outside. So I thought to myself, self, why don’t you go suntan your nut sack? It sounded like a good idea…

So I go out in the back yard and sprawl out on the ground like a centerfold model. I’m thinking, hey, this feels kind of good. Then my dang dog comes and sits right on my lap. Even though he weighs 85 pounds, he is normally welcome to sit on my lap.

Except this wasn’t normal. And since he is a male dog it was kind of gay. Now my Chakras are totally misaligned.

Worst of all he was blocking my rays.

Next time I am using a lawn chair. Lesson learned. Next time?

The way that you can tell that tanning your taint is good for you is by doing an internet search. You will find 50 articles telling you how it is bad for you for each article recommending it. That is 100% sure-fire proof that it is a good idea.

Tanning your nether regions is “safe and effective”. I am the fact checker at my house.

You can also suntan your butthole, if you are so inclined… Maybe I will save that for next time. Next time? Why do I keep saying that?

If your neighbors catch you sunning your butthole, stare them in the eyes and assert dominance.